shame and intimacy










A three days seminar for approaching a major challenge


 In these three days I will give insight in the nature and dynamics of shame, toxic shame and shame resolution. With patience, sensitivity and flirtatious charm, I hope to put back life into skeletons, invent funnier games and turn the secrecy of bushes into the intimacy of felt contact. Anyone with some self-experience, introspection and self regulation skills is welcome - with or without skeleton.


Shame is a major challenge. It can be a stumbling block on our quest to meet our deepest needs including felt contact and relationship. Shame is a hidden sabotage dynamic that locks us up in an inner prison of isolation, fear and self –doubt. We do no longer “feel felt” and hide behind an adaptive self. We hope that no one will ever find out how defective, small, and incapable we are. Finally we may even “think” that the face we present is our true nature.


It seems paradoxical but we cannot handle our withdrawal from contact on our own. Children who found a skeletop in the bush may be meeting the one who has “won” the hide and seek game. Seeking out how to contact the hidden is essential in feeing us from our self –conscious detention camp. It is beyond imagination that our defective self can ever be met. At least isolation is safe and saves us being embarrassed when exposed to others. The hide –and –seek game becomes our life until we are being found.

importance of shame:

healthy and toxic shame:

what can you learn?


10 - 12 July 2017, from 9:30h - 17:30h
On Wednesday we stop at 17:00h

The training will be in English.


Ladeuze 3
9700 Oudenaarde